Back to Happy

I'm kind of in a funk.

It happens.

But this time I don't even think I've done a decent job of putting on a smile and trudging forward... It'll get better. It always does. And I'll move on. But for now, I'm still wallowing in my sad state, trying to stop this stupid selfishness so I can return back to joyful.

{image: DeeDee Hampton}

I even have a to-do list to "Get Back to Happy":

• Cry- it's a healthy release, but sometimes one of the toughest things for me to allow myself to do.
• Pray- turn to God through the good and bad, I feel like it's the tough times where He's calling me to remember that He's the one I should turn to.
• Read- Scripture holds a plethora of uplifting encouragements.
• Talk- it's a good release to share the pain and woes with Mom, friends, family members...heck, maybe even blog about it!
• Keep Busy- try to remove myself from the hurt. You'd think it'd be automatic with a baby, but there always seems to be unexpected moments when the pain seeps in.
• Resolve- tomorrow is a new day.
• Listen- listen to God, listen to your own heart, and maybe even to some good music

I haven't had conclusive evidence, but I sometimes think "good medicine" is music- even if it's the sad kind where you're reminded that you're down {insert the phrase my Mom would use, "Poor Baby"}. For me, music is an incredible release. I think sometimes I'm able to work through feelings just by listening and experiencing the emotions evoked through song. By the way, thanks Sylvia Grace for your Playlist, I've picked up some good new songs {Gardenia & Free Falling} that I've been jamming to this morning.

I'll try to be more cheery...I know I'll get my groove back soon!

The Bad & The Ugly: True Dating Stories

Wow- Saturday night I was stood up! STOOD UP!

Well, kind of...

We were supposed to firm-up plans Friday afternoon for Saturday and I never heard from the guy. Which ended up being okay since I had a friend from Texas who called Saturday morning as she was driving into town last-minute; she and her father were able to stay at my house that night instead. So, I've rationalized the situation since our date wouldn't have worked out anyway, BUT it doesn't change the fact that he never even called. Sheesh!

So, in lieu of getting stood up, I thought I'd share some of my Bad...and even Ugly, Dating Stories:

1) R*** was a blind date set-up from a quasi-friend. Most people would have turned to run at this point...I "shoulda, coulda, woulda" in restrospect.

Although R*** was a complete gentleman the entire date, there were a few dealbreaking moves he made along the way. First of all, he arrives to pick me up and is wearing cargo shorts, a Led Zeppelin t-shirt layered with an untucked, wrinkled button down. That wasn't the worst though...on his feet, he's wearing socks with CROCS. Yep, those nasty, awful shoes. And he shows up for a first date in them. Sharp!

As we're driving to dinner, I find out that he's younger than my little brother (ewwww icky! my quasi-friend has now been demoted to not-a-friend-at-all) and oh he still lives at home with his parents since he decided to drop out of school.

R*** was a nice enough guy, but a little odd, to say the least. As a hobby, he re-enacts, and dresses in Medieval attire. He paid for dinner, took me home, I thanked him for nice company, he was gentlemanly but this wasn't going anywhere ever. He took the news graciously. It wasn't a bad date due to the events. It was just a bad date because it was a horrible set-up.

The cherry on top was that my quasi-friend later disclosed that R*** actually prefers to dress as a woman while re-enacting in Medieval attire. WEIRD And yes, my quasi-friend has officially proven herself to be not-a-friend-at-all. Who would do this to a friend?

2) Knight in Shining Armor has already been mentioned in this blog, but he was also a blind-date setup. Thank goodness this blind-date was a double date with a close friend and her boyfriend.

What I learned of Knight in Shining Armor prior to the date was that on-paper he appeared to have everything in his life together and on-track. He took several leadership positions, had post-graduate degrees and was successfully climbing the career ladder. He was involved in his church and had a good group of friends. Well, maybe he was talked-up a little too much because when I met him, nothing clicked in-person at all.

On this Bad Date, I was to blame for clamming up. Knight in Shining Armor was a mellow sort of guy, laid back and the type that seems comfortable never opening his mouth. Just made me feel awkward in addition to my friend overcompensating and talking a little too much. We had a ridiculously long and painful date of 4 hours of not talking to each other...at all.

3) Although these first 2 were blind dates, I've made some bad dating choices on my own too! The Fall after graduation, I started dating Atlanta Stockbroker. He was a little older (~35), very career-driven, and had appeared to be interested in investing quality dating time.

Or so I thought.

It was something like our fourth or fifth date, and he was scheduled to drive in town so we could then travel to a football game. Atlanta Stockbroker actually was a bigger fan of my Alma Mater's football team than I was (although this is not difficult to do...reference this post). I was excited. My company had given me the tickets in a great section and it would also be my first visit back since graduation.

The morning of the game Atlanta Stockbroker calls and recounts a sad story of how the day before he'd had his haircut. Evidently said haircut was horribly embarassing and he was ashamed of how he looked. He asked for me to find him a good school-spirit baseball cap before he got in town. I searched the town over looking for the perfect hat and was proud to find just the right one after only visiting 3 different stores.

I called him back to relay the news and he said he hadn't left Atlanta yet, but that he would soon. I wasn't worried and even offered to drive my car once he arrived in town since he sounded tired. He seemed okay with idea this even though he had originally wanted to tout his crimson convertible Corvette (specifically painted to display his school-spirit...he was hardcore). So I made sure my car was spotless, filled-up and even packed little pre-Game snacks and drinks for our roadtrip.

It's 1 hrs to Game Time and then he was a no-show. Atlanta Stockbroker stood me up too. And his excuses changed ranging from: "I have a cold" to..."I was recently diagnosed with skin cancer and the stress has kept me from sleeping" to..."Work has just been so tough on me lately, I really have to catch up on some things."

I decided right then and there that he was just full of excuses and I didn't have to accept any of them. Especially when they all seem to morph into something different each time he's asked.

Interestingly enough, Atlanta Stockbroker still calls and texts me at the most random times. We first dated back in 2004, but I heard from him again in 2006 and then most recently he called me earlier this year and then sent me text messages 1 week ago. I've decided he must keep some sort of Database and he rotates his calls/text messages in some sort of 2-yr cycle in hopes that one of his old dates or exes will take him back.

He's Good at being sketchy... Bad at keeping commitments...and just plain Ugly to think he can still have a chance!

Love So Desires

You know why I heart SATC?

Well, of course there are many reasons...but the recurring theme that's never trendy or unfashionable is because it's simply about single gals...looking for love.

"I'm looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love.” -Carrie Bradshaw

To cheese this post up a little more, there's a movie quote from Dream for an Insomniac used frequently (not recommending the movie):

"Unless it's mad, passionate, extraordinary love, It's a waste of your time. There are too many mediocre things in life. Love shouldn't be one of them."

............................................................................

And I have no shame telling you that too is what I want.

I've loved many, but I've only been in love once.

And it was amazing.

I would recommend it to anyone.

My problem is that it was just with the wrong guy...

My mom's prayed for it since I was born...

As a little girl, I dreamt of it with pink castles. My Little Pony unicorns, and Strawberry Shortcake...

And as a teenager/early-20s I had sleepless nights not understanding why M/J/B/G/H or whoever he was, wasn't the prince-charming-here-to-save-me-from-the-fire-breathing-dragon-of-a-reality-I'm-living...

As a Christian, I had to come to grips with the possibility that God may not have it in His plans for me to ever find love and marry *gulp*

On that same token- as a child of God, I am acutely aware that this longing desire for me to have a helpmate is innate and very real.

"All night long on my bed I searched for the one my heart loves. I looked for him but didn't find him. I will get up. I'll go around in the city. I'll look through all of its streets. I'll search for the one my heart loves. So I looked for him but didn't find him."

Song of Songs 3:1-2

I'm not just looking to be married. Don't we all know people who have the marriage goal in mind from the beginning, only to settle for someone "okay" or "amicable"? I want something incredible, I want a blessing beyond what I could ever creatively construct.

I want LOVE.

That flutter-in-your-chest, can't-help-but-beam, gushing-sunshine-and-grins, twinkle-in-your-eyes, lightheaded-elation, giddy-anticipating, indelible LOVE.

And I want it with the right guy this time.

"Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires"

Song of Songs 2:7b / 3:5b / 8:4b

So God...
Love so desires.

All Weekend Long

I had the weekend in town.

All weekend long.

And you know what they say about "idle hands"...

Friday night I had a lovely dinner with my wonderful friend Betty (one of our Supper Club founding members!). We had planned an official Supper Club, but Buckeye Belle was detained with work overload- devastating! We missed her horribly, but made plans to meet up the next day (to come).

Meanwhile, Betty baked a scrumptious meal of: Tuscan Dip; Fresh Strawberry Salad; Sauteed Squash and Asparagus; and Paula Dean's Georgia Chicken. It was AWESOME! And you know how you'll hear people rave and say, "oh I just must get that recipe from you....some day." I didn't give Betty a moment of delay- I got the Tuscan Dip recipe that night =) She inspired me though. I'm resolving to get great recipes on-the-spot rather than simply rave about the meal.

Saturday I woke up late to make a lazy, yet lovely breakfast. My favorite meal of the day. It's nice to indulge sometimes. Then it was off to shop for mirrors for above my mantel (I'm moving that artwork to the top of the stair landing); new pillows for the bench I have yet to pick up (will they charge demurrage?!?!?); an oversized wall clock and mosquito netting to hang above the back guestroom bed.

Pink Pimpette came over and then we drove to meet with Betty and Buckeye Belle for the much-anticipated viewing of SEX AND THE CITY. Fabulous! I cannot say more or I may ruin it for those who have not seen it yet, but what a glorious storyline... And then the four of us went for cocktails and sushi so we could discuss every aspect of the movie. Perfect number in our party huh? I think I must see it again in theaters to fully appreciate the film...then I'll purchase the DVD immediately on-release to enjoy it in its entirety.

Pink Pimpette and I had a slumber-party discussing various topics from the order of a wedding reception to what it is to truly be in love- the kind that makes you silly-happy and uncontrollably giddy.

Sunday I slept in again. Actually poor Pink Pimpette had to knock on my door to make sure I was still alive. I made brunch, then we talked for a while. She watched a movie while I cleaned up a bit and then surfed on the Web for ideas. After she left I went for a run...went shopping for groceries at a local, overpriced, hoity-toity, organic food market that has sucked me in because of the exotic-foods-and-trendy-clean-feeling-of-being-green. And then came home to bake an experimental dish of : flounder stuffed with spinach/bacon/toasted walnuts and topped with red Roma tomatoes and sprinkled with Parmesan. Not bad for a single gal? Yummm.

_________________
Oh and I almost left off that I've had some very important photos taken this weekend. Now be cognisant that these are serious artistic works of art and NOT online ego boosters (who does that?).

Without further ado, here are three preview slides of my going-to-push-me-forward-as-a-rising-designer-star pictures that will be featured in House Beautiful the last month of never.

Don't worry, I'm not quitting my day job =)

Just Like Old Times

You know you're a Sex and the City fanatic if...

• anytime you hear Carrie, you first think of "Bradshaw" and not your best friend from Middle School
• you know Carrie rocks Manolos; Samantha sexes up Cavalli; Charlotte chooses Chanel; and...well, DKNY and Tahari suit Miranda
• you have a strong opinion on the Aidan vs Big debate
• despite your desire to be classically chic, you gave in to fugliness and went out and bought a "Carrie" necklace (one of the tacky ones with your name written in gold); a big flower pin; a Gucci fanny pack; or wear black bras under white shirts on purpose
• you've laughed and cried through 6 seasons with 2 bouts of cancer; 2 divorces (Charlotte & Big); and 2 big/"Big" loves
  

Oh & just look at some of the beautiful photos from the Vogue shoot.

My college roommate Urn, introduced me to the wonderful world of SATC in 2003 (we were late bloomers) and I must say I am forever grateful!

There is a concern that the movie will be a one-weekend-wonder so I will faithfully delay my viewing until next weekend. *Sigh* Well, that's not a completely accurate account of why I'm delaying my life's most-anticipated-movie-premier... (post to follow)

Hotlanta's Kidnapping Dear Friend

Dear Friend is leaving me...

She's going to the Peach City (aka NYC of the South). I get one month and then she's packing up & heading due East. It's an awesome career opportunity for her though and I'm so proud that she's moving up and moving on!

Actually, I don't think the reality has set-in yet...

The selfish part of me thinks: so who's gonna be my single, yp (young professional) partner-in-crime? Who am I going to turn to for accountability and spiritual support. What am I gonna do without my Dear Friend? But she reminds me that she'll only be 2 1/2 hrs away and we talk on the phone all the time anyway.

Love you Sweets, will miss getting to see your smilin' face as often (although this will just mean a little more gas $ must be spent to hang out together).

LOVE YOU Dear Friend!

DC Postscript

I forgot to mention that upon my arrival in DC, Hess on the Hill presented me with this fabulous Little Black Book of Washington DC. How awesome is she?

Here's another group shot at the Taste of the South Pre-Party...had a blast!

And contrary to the entire week's weather forecast... it NEVER rained =)

Highfalutin on the Hill

As an extended weekend, I flew up to DC Friday through Sunday.

Hess on the Hill, a college friend / former PR teammate / potential business-partner (with a start-up PR firm), was a wonderfully gracious hostess and we rocked DC!

In short, I had a blast all weekend and am still amazed at everything we were able to fit in:

• a Capitol tour
• a Pentagon tour
• a night-on-the-town in historic Old Town
• a Saturday morning run & coffee on King Street
• lunch in Del Ray with an old college friend
• shopping all over Old Town including perusing the old Torpedo Factory Galleries & a visit to the Old Dominion Boat Club
• a Taste of the South Pre-party at Jill's in Dupont
• the climactic gala: Taste of the South at the DC Armory
• then closing the night out at the Capitol Heights Bar

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The Capitol

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Night on the Town in Historic Old Town

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Taste of the South Pre-Party


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Taste of the South

Bottega Blunder

I'm totally a BloggingWhore today (no Mom, I don't mean it in that way).

It's just that I've already posted once for today and I'm posting AGAIN...twice in one day. Heck, I might even post another one tonight!

Last night's Birthday dinner was at a favorite restaurant- Bottega. There's a history here with a story that's likely more amusing to me and the witnesses present; it's probably one of those where "you just had to be there" for it to have any effect. So read-on if you like, or click-on if you don't.
__________________________________________


TIMELINE

Four years ago...2004

Fresh out of college, I was fortunate enough to instantly bond with a phenomenal group of girls and we started our very own Supper Club (SC). The four of us were a tight group of friends who rotated dinner party hostessing- at the time we'd meet even once a week- although today there are three of us and we meet about once a month. We often cook a la casa, but would occasionally go out to dinner as well.

Let's see, in 2004 I was single, a little boy crazy, and feeling a little sassy (ha! I suppose it's not too much unlike 2008...).


BACKGROUND of the SETTING

In Birmingham, we have Culinary Chef and Mastermind Frank Stitt. His genius is shared with us locals through 3 restaurants:

1. Highlands Bar & Grill, 5-Star restaurant (which has been nationally praised on numerous occasions including a feature article in the NY Times)
2. Bottega, Mediterranean/Italian in an Art Deco style
3. Chez Fonfon, trendy and slightly more laid-back, French

I'm a patron of two of these venues...not blue-blood-enough to set foot in Highlands.

Bottega has just been a more casual place and serves this phenomenal Chicken Scaloppine dish that is to-die-for! So, us Supper Club gals frequented Stitt's restaurant #2.

PLOT LINE

This particular meal, there were only three of us in Supper Club (SC) that could make Lunch. But we were at a great, happening restaurant as young professionals facing a brave new world (or city at least). I was loving this new phase of life!

To begin with, I self-parked my car only to have the Valet Attendant scout me out at the restaurant. In an embarrassing scene (remember I'm a Birmingham-neophyte at a trendy place) he scolded me, in front of my friends and surrounding hip patrons, that only Bottega customers were allowed to park their cars in this particular lot.
Uh-huh...I see.
I suppose maybe he just wasn't thinking about me sitting down to lunch at the exact venue where he was parking cars.
He is forgiven. May have been on medication? Actually to think of it, he probably shouldn't have driven my car anyway... But at this point, I was so humiliated that I surrendered the car keys of my already-parked-car to appease him.

Back to the story:
Despite the slightly-shaken meal start, we had a lovely lunch with the as-always-wonderful Bottega food. I still drool thinking about Chicken Scaloppine!

And did I mention that our Server was HOT?
It was in a sweet, boyish sort of way. Tall with dark curly hair and a flirty look. Big smile, a friendly, mellow demeanor. Charming, gentle, and loving----evidently these were all things that I conjected from his looks alone. Have you caught on yet that I don't always have the gift of discernment?

Did I mention that one of my SC Gals knew said Hot Server?
He was actually her brother's good friend (and I think former roommate???)

So you can probably write the rest of this tale:
What does single, new-to-the-town, boy-crazy, sassy-feeling, already-humiliated-but-not-gonna-let-that-that-get-me-down, little 'ole me do?

Yeah, I definitely left my phone number when I signed that meal check.
Confident, Bold, and Daring. An excellent start for my new life in Birmingham.

Hot Server was supposed to see the new fabulousness of me too. He'd call me up to ask me on a date...right?

And he never did.

Actually something worse happened. Through my SC Gal's brother, Hot Server relayed the message that "I'm just not really looking to date anyone right now. But that was nice of her to do that."

NICE?

It was kind of him to respond, but at this point, I'd officially been downgraded to: Delusional, Arrogant, AND Desperate.


LESSONS LEARNED

Would I do it again? Actually, yeah. Just because it was kind of fun and risky and new. The true lesson learned here wasn't one of regret but of humility- to Laugh at the silliness of my self-parking faux-pas; and to Laugh at the goofiness of essentially asking a guy out and getting turned down; to Laugh at myself. I'm just not all that and a bag of chips!


BRINGING IT FULL CIRCLE

Four years later, for my 27th Birthday Dinner last night. Guess who waited on our table? Yep, HOT SERVER.

Still adorable and dreamy.

Still has that thoughtful, boyish charm.

Still working as a server at Bottega.

It's a good thing to laugh at myself, the situation, and yet think of doing it all over again... Still.

No Regrets.

I Need Professional Help...In Writing and Dating!

Wow, didn't realize how many grammatical adn spellnig errors I make (ha-ha) until I go back to re-read some of the journals.

On another note, I also didn't realize how much Knight in Shining Armor's non-responsiveness was bugging me until I really thought about how much time/effort/thought went into that one single e-mail...and how he won't at least reply!
Arrrggghhh.
Am thinking maybe Knight in Shining Armor was peacock-like after all.
Stupid animals... Or maybe it's stupid girl for still dating animals.


Here's the referenced, well-thought-out and totally PC, e-mail:
________________________________________
Hey Knight in Shining Armor,

I need to apologize- I don't know what was wrong with me, but I was definitely not myself last week when we met and went to dinner. Dear Friend was great to arrange everything, and I think I was just nervous about the idea of a "set-up." Anyway, it was great meeting you- if you would ever be up for doing a coffee or drink thing one-on-one sometime, let me know... Dear Friend mentioned something about skiing this summer too, maybe I'll see you then.

Take care,
Gypsy Soul
________________________________________

Even with all the excuses in the world:

• Maybe he never checks this e-mail account
• OR maybe he's in some remote area of the world that's uncivilized (aka a place without Starbucks, mobile service, and especially Internet)
• Perhaps he's not sure who I am and deleted without reading

You know what they say... HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU (insert ME)

Project: Goodbye Frog

At what point is a girl to say "Goodbye" and close the door on a dating prospect?

AND that's not to say he can't be moved to the FRIEND Zone... but when is it time to just admit he's not the One? All these frogs and I'm still not convinced that they'll magically morph into

Prince Charming.

It's time to call a Frog a Frog.

I have this tendency to want to give everyone chance after chance after chance...and no, 77 times doesn't apply to my dating search. It ain't about forgiveness, it's about finding a helpmate. Someone to share the rest of your life with, who will serve and love God alongside you, who will have your babies/cook you dinner/clean the house (ohhh wait- is that the other way around?). On this, I get to be picky.

I have/am decidedly saying Goodbye to the following in 2008:

• Ape ended over "How to Cook Asparagus"
• Chameleon Yeah, yeah...so he said "goodbye" to me...whatever...
• Sick Manchild is really half the age of his Earth years. That and he's just so uncouth.
• Super Fan is too much like a kid brother. Ewwwww!
• Random Atlanta Guy calls/e-mails sporadically to see if I'm in town for a coffee. No, I'm not. And when I am, it's for business and I'm busy.
• Adventure J lives in Hunstville anyway and has even more of a "gypsy soul" than I. Tough, flighty guy to catch. We might hit it off remotely, but we're just not able to connect in-person.
• Flyin' "F"s is the extraordinarily successful and very ambitious pilot instructor; albeit he has the mouth of a sailor. Content not as bad as Sick Manchild, but definitely not a guy I'd want my parents to meet until he's washed his mouth superclean.

When is it time to just throw in the towel in dating?

Seventy-Seven

A Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

1. Found out that Amanda R. was kicked off of The Bachelor... Sad day indeed!
2. My National Director & the Company VP decided to nominate me for The Bachelor; but Mom disapproves =(
3. I attempted to reconcile my could-be-perceived-as-witchy-muteness with an e-mail to Knight in Shining Armor, but have still not received a response. I believe this may have done more harm than good. TO NOTE: this was only decided after much deliberation and ultimate approval from two unbiased parties- one male, one female (well, I suppose they were a little biased since they're my friends!)
4. Work travel keeps me from having friends/social calendar/commitments/a life, during the week.
5. After an awful dinner experience, realized I've held a grudge against my brother for quite some time. And I rarely enjoy myself around him; everything he does/says makes me cringe. I need to fully forgive and let go...

__________________________

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?"
Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times."

Matthew 18:21-22

The Dating Record

A Record-Breaking April

1. Increased my running to around 3.5/4 miles a day, 5 times a week


2. Joined a gym to reap the benefits of cardio machines, weight training, a steamless sauna, and increased social interaction (otherwise I'm turning into a hermit)


3. Upped my Dating Ante

Yes, that's right- I've bundled my dates to see how many I can fit into two weeks. It's kind of been fun actually as I have resolved to look at Dating as a Game (see below post) and want to simply enjoy myself in diverse company (I'm an equal opportunity Dater).

Here are my WOEs and WHOAS of the past two weeks (well, technically it's only been 1 1/2 weeks, and the end of week #2 is not up, but I've decided to lay low this weekend):

• Sunday Movie: with Sick Manchild was relatively decent company filled with jabs of sarcasm and dry-witted humor... a great movie picked... albeit, a 15-yr old boy trapped in a 33-yr old body...we get along great, but three major things may be deal breakers: 1. no filter on that vulgar mouth of his // 2. his career decisions (or rather indecisions) are questionable as he's chosen a 30-hr job where his co-workers are still in high school // 3. he got me sick from the cold he had (no not from kissing, but he was coughing) and I haven't been sick in FOUR years

• Wednesday Dinner at Sports Grille: was casual with Super Fan in a familial sort of way...I was pretty comfortable conversing, but most likely it was because I looked at him like a kid brother...his smaller, pre-pubescent stature and the way he carried himself made me feel quite giant-like both metaphorically and physically...nice kid guy though

• Tuesday Southside Dinner: was a blind date set-up from a Dear Friend...I did the requisite Googling / Facebook & MySpace investigating prior to see what this guy's all about...Knight in Shining Armor's Online resume looks great, actually scratch that-he looks PERFECT...so this date should be equally perfect, right?...sure, it might have been if I hadn't clammed up!...a 4-hour long double-date dinner with my aforementioned dear friend and I maybe said 6 words total...he must think I'm either the biggest snob OR the shyest girl ever (both UNTRUE), but I couldn't talk to him...he was too hot...and too perfect...and had all his priorities: God/family/life/career in order (well, at least on paper)...totally fudged this one up and according to dear friend, we "didn't click"

• Wednesday Sushi Dinner in Atlanta: an unexpected dinner after Tuesday night's flop...received a call from Sick Manchild that he was traveling through town and I happened to already be in on business...needed respite from the last night's mess...at least we hit it off with our verbal spars and sarcastic jabs...still no filter on that mouth of his and he talks loudly in restaurants too

But my "date" tonight was a reconnect with a Friend who helped remind me that if I should become impatient in dating, God always provides. Sometimes we just seek the wrong thing.

So dating's not really a game to be played...it's a part of life and life is an ADVENTURE

The Dating Game

With our current economic climate, I've been focusing a great deal on strategy for 2008. Deliberate choices made to result in specific outcomes; all designed to come full-circle with a desired WIN. So I've brushed up on my old readings of Machiavelli's "The Prince" and read Cliff's Notes for Sun Tzu's "The Art of War" (what? it's a tough read!).

So since my day-to-day work dictates a focus on business development in a competitive climate, it only made sense for me to apply this same thought to my personal dating life. After reflection, Game Theory has never been so prevalent in DATING as it is now.

With an ever shrinking pool of available prospects (as there is now a War for Talent with the mass exodus of Baby Boomers, we have a much smaller generation with less of a selection than our parents faced), combined with the widespread use of the Internet--- Houston, we have a problem. So in Layman's terms: there are fewer single, available marriage prospects out there in addition to much more aggressive competition with the availability of the Internet.

Enter Game Theory:

Whether we'll admit or not, DATING (defined: the active search of a potential mate), has become a GAME. Competition exists because there are multiple other single, available, people out there searching for the same exact thing: a viable, prospective partner. This elusive "other" is in High Demand.

There is also another phenomenon that my friend Tiger calls "The Perfect Match" (inserting a facetious smirk) where seemingly less-than-attractive females quickly pair up with disproportionately more attractive (aka hot) males. Using Game Theory, this Slate article does a humorous job of explaining "The Eligible Bachelor Paradox." To finitely sum up the article:


Where have all the most appealing men gone? Married young, most of them—and sometimes to women whose most salient characteristic was not their beauty, or passion, or intellect, but their decisiveness.

Don't you like how this is explained scientifically; and if you really wanted to get in-depth, there are mathematical equations (certainly not my strength) to back-up these theories. Of course, you could do what I did and just learn these things from watching The Bachelor! For every one desirable bachelor, there are 25 desirable bachelorettes competing for the heart of the singular Bachelor...

Check back for more to come on The Dating Game...

Settling for Mr. Good Enough?

"Marry Him!", Lori Gottlieb's article in The Atlantic recently stirred up quite a mess in the Singlehood domain. A BIG MESS. Gottlieb's article denotes that she's a woman who wanted a "traditional family", but turned to a sperm bank in order to begin her motherhood solo (her clock was ticking, her eggs wanted to hatch). Yet in light of that decision, in retrospect she argues:


"My advice is this: Settle! That’s right. Don’t worry about passion or intense connection... Because if you want to have the infrastructure in place to have a family, settling is the way to go. Based on my observations, in fact, settling will probably make you happier in the long run, since many of those who marry with great expectations become more disillusioned with each passing year."


What would make a single, empowered, self-sufficient, independent, woman suddenly wake up one day and realize that years ago she should have settled for the first guy that could have been a marriage prospect. Mid-life crisis? Single-parent crisis? Self-actualization crisis?

Seriously, are you kidding me? This is DESPERATION in the worst way.


Anyone...
who has witnessed or experienced the loss and hurt of divorce,
who has watched a loved one suddenly decide they've changed their sexual orientation,
who has undergone the pain and grief of infidelity,
who has come to the realization to find their spouse is a deadbeat addict / pervert / abuser / etc.
...would probably attest to it being a VERY BAD idea to settle.


All those little warning signs that pop up during dating...especially with a woman's intuition...are there to help protect your heart! Now, not that there aren't those girls out there who share the ‘George Costanza / Jerry Seinfeld-ian Complex’ of picking out the most random, petty attributes as "dealbreakers," but let's get real: if you know that ultimately you're settling for something that will only make you temporarily happy (and quite possibly miserable for decades to come), why in the world would you set yourself up for failure. You ultimately will still NEVER have control over your spouse's decisions. We have free will...all of us (especially in this "liberty and freedom for all country"). Statistically, the divorce rate is so high, if you choose to settle, your chances of a marriage-gone-really-bad would only greatly increase if you actively choose to settle for the wrong guy from the beginning.

C'mon! And to bring a child into that? That egocentric desperation is atrocious!

Perhaps Gottlieb has woken up to the nightmare she's created for herself. In going out on her own, creating a child from a Petri dish in order to fulfill a dream of having a family, she's realized that her non-traditional method has inhibited her from living life to the full. For herself, and for her fatherless child. Really? Don't purposefully procreate to try and solve the big mess known as your Life. Please don't. You only bring a child into this world that will ultimately be just as confused, and probably even more so than you are. And just because Gottlieb settled on a sperm bank in order to hatch an egg, she shouldn't be suggesting to others that they should settle in marriage because she regrets not settling earlier.

What a cyclical settling mess!

...and in the end, she's got Egg on her Face!

___________________

"Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires" Song of Songs 2:7b / 3:5b / 8:4b

My Dating Life's a Zoo...they're all Animals!

I was thinking back over the last 5 years of my dating life. And boy, there have been many lessons learned and even mistakes repeated. For anonymity’s sake, they’ve been appropriately filed as animals (diplomatic, no…aptly named, yes). Let’s see, there was the...



GIRAFFE stuck his neck out there for a while, but poor boy- I was so intent on an engagement immediately after graduation that I gave him an ultimatum. May I point out that this was definitely a lesson learned and NOT a mistake to be repeated. It’s what a Southern girl was supposed to do anyway right? Go to college, meet a nice boy, after a couple years of a steady relationship you get engaged post-graduation, start your career, then get married (or something like that). It’s as American as baseball, apple pie, and heart disease.



DOG was just that…a dog. I learned dogs cannot always be trained, they enjoy playing around and sometimes playing the field, and they expect you to cater to their every need and constantly shower them with treats. This dog was not my best friend.



TURTLE had a tough time crawling out of his shell. Reserved, new to the world, and ultimately all-too-sheltered. I wasn’t prepared for the naivety of his first-time-in-love to be the impending doom. If the relationship has run its course, then there's absolutely no need to hold on to something that will never work out in this life or the next. I’m a sucker for punishment and of course gave in to sticking with something that lacked passion, something that would have been, well, life with a Turtle. You know the tortoise may have beaten the hare, but the turtle is still stuck somewhere back there trying to find himself. Problem is, he needs to ditch the shell.



PEACOCK appeared to be a sight for sore eyes. He strutted his stuff right, had the confidence, ambition, intelligence, and drive; it was all uber-attractive. Had it all together, right? Well, what I didn't realize is those beautiful feathers served as a trick to us unsuspecting females...they hide a lot of things. What appeared to be a life-in-order was only a front. The style, charm, and wit were only a mask for deep underlying wounds.



APE. What was I doing with an ape? Only slightly more booksmart than the peacock, but certainly with a shorter temper in a beat-his-chest for attention kind of way. This one was a lesson quickly learned.



CHAMELEON was a genius. I'm still in awe of how he could fit in under any circumstance. In fact, I'm not sure I ever really knew who he was. My guess is that he's had so much practice blending in with so many different situations that he may have lost sight of his own essence. One thing to his credit- he's a master at observing people and figuring out their needs. I'm not exactly sure why the chemistry failed, but I know lizards like to bask in the heat of the sun. I think he may have been emerging from a colder time and getting prepared for a full-out sunbathing season. For him, I'd give an award for best-behaved. Cheers to you Chameleon!

Singledom

So, we’ve started a Small Group Bible Study at my house each week. We’re all single, young professionals wanting to seek God and His plan for us at this “singlehood” point in our lives. We’re uniquely positioned at a time when we have freedom to do whatever we want…we get to choose our responsibilities…we decide how we spend our time…we have all the say in how we spend our money. Yippee!

And since I’ve started going back to church (Sidenote: yes, I’m still doing my standard Sunday Brunch…they definitely know us as “Regulars” now), it was crazy-cool that last Sunday’s sermon was on “Singlehood” and the blessings of being unattached. Yes, unattached, not detached…I get it…I’m returning to God! Our pastor talked about Paul’s letter to Corinth that addresses the gift of being single (1 Corinthians 7) and how even as Christians, we often overlook / pity / question people who are single. Jesus was single.

Of course, there are those who choose to be single and those who are single by circumstance and wish they weren’t single. I’m not really sure which one I fit into since I am still in the dating scene…I don’t feel called to stay single forever, but certainly I don’t feel called to be married at this point. Most likely because there are no viable prospects within sight…at all.

Sometimes I struggle with not really wanting to follow God’s will. Sometimes I’m downright defiant. It’s this rebellion in me...